Life Interrupted…

Sometimes God throws us a fastball, when we are not expecting it, it can put us into a whirlwind of emotions. 

On Saturday the day after my Husbands 59^th Birthday, we got up early and went for a swim, Then out for our favorite meal “Breakfast”. It was about 10:30 am and we were driving to the Mall to pick something up, my hubby said “I am not feeling well, I kind of feel funny” Then he got the burps and the hiccups!

“Well do you want to go home” I asked., “ No” he said “lets go pick up what we need, I will come in and sit on the bench in the mall, and wait for you”

So we did and I walked up to the cash register I looked over and saw Steve and he was waving to me to hurry up! When I got to him, he said “we have to go” he continued “I think I am having a heart attack.”

I drove him to the Emergency Clinic, and he was in a bed within minutes of us arriving.

When they confirmed it was a heart attack, they drove us to the Royal Alec Hospital in the ambulance, and they did an angioplasty procedure on his heart.

WHACK---the fastball just hit me!

Who do I call, what do I do?, What if I lose him? “this can’t be really happening?, feelings of being lost, looking around and seeing nothing familiar, sitting in a chair in the Family waiting room, waiting for what? For good news? For bad news? Will I ever hear his voice again? Will I be able to hold him again?

Expectations ,and Unexpected events have shown me how much I really do lean on our Father in Heaven, and how little I really do surrender.

I did not and was not ready to give my Steve back to God.

There were lots of conversations between God and I on that topic.

Finally about 4 days ago, (almost 7 weeks after his heart-attack) in the middle of the night, I whispered to God “OK Let your will be done” . I rolled over and went to sleep. Tough lessons, in tough times. I always have said, I learn the hard way.

In Romans 5:3-4 ( NIV) Paul wrote, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know they are good for us- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us and character strengthens our confident expectation of Salvation.”

When you face adversity, be encouraged, hope is on its way. 

My Husband is recovering at home and is doing very well.

How do I love my Body?

Having one roll was okay to accept; but when the second roll appeared on my belly, I was very angry.

I hated it, I would look at it the mirror or in the shower and yell at it and squish it and scream. How do I get rid of this thing? This roll of fat that shows everyone I am now a stat, and am overweight and even obese according to some information out there! How could I let myself go like this?

How could I look like something I never wanted to look like? I promised myself I would never become overweight again... I hated me and hated my body. I was angry at myself and and my body. It felt like a betrayal; and it was; I had betrayed myself!!

I have struggled loving me and my body most of my life. I abused myself verbally and physically for many years and in my early forties, I started cutting myself. I was never good enough, never funny enough, never cute enough, and definitely never skinny enough.

Five years I have gone without cutting myself, the verbal abuse has also stopped, but about 6 months ago I had to go buy some new pants... when the size 15 was too tight I lost it, and I lost it on me.

I have gone to counseling, but like anything its a day by day journey. Having Christ in my life has eased many of my daily pressures, and I also know he loves me because he created me in his image.

I have learned that we must be willing to get over the life we had planned... so we can live the life we have... and accept your body as it is right now... my toughest challenge.

Below is a well known love letter, that I read a lot to remind me of who I really am.

Father's Love Letter -

My Child
You may not know me, but I know everything about you Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad. Almighty God

Meeting the new Boyfriend

The other day we had the pleasure of meeting our only daughter's new boyfriend.

She was very nervous and told us how to act, “be nice Dad”, and don't embarrass him, and please don't embarrass me. We were quite shocked that she was nervous about how her old parents would act... after all we are a very normal family (maybe NOT) ! On the other hand her two older brothers were the ones she really needed to give advice to... not us... Hehehee. We were nervous as well, because we knew this new guy seemed very special to our daughter.

We all want to make a good first impression.

I got thinking about how often that happens to we humans in our daily lives. Meeting a new boss, going to a new church, going for a loan...

That is one of the many extraordinary facets about God, we do not need to make an impression, He created us, molded us, and He already loves us. He knows what we are thinking, and He knows how many hairs we have on our heads. He knows how many hot flashes I am going to have today!

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His Love really is. May you experience the Love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Ephesians 3:18-19 NLT

PS. The meeting of the new Beau went well, we only embarrassed him a couple of times.

Timmie and the Mouse

The evening started with a scream from my Daughter...

My husband and I rush into the kitchen and the shouting continued,

“Timmie has a mouse, Timmie has a mouse”

Our 6 year old Siamese cat certainly did have a mouse.

Timmie was innocently playing with the poor creature.

When we got onto the back deck, we realized we were way too late to save the mouse.

Now that might surprise some people why would we try to save a mouse.

Although I realize it is very normal for cats to hunt mice, I try and not kill a thing, flies, beetles, and even spiders; if I find them in the house I carry them out carefully and set them on the lawn.

(OK no-one said I was normal)

I got thinking that sometimes life can feel like we are being batted around with heartache, sickness, disappointment, unemployment, depression, the list goes on.

But God is never too late to save us. God is always on time.

God in in control of all the storms in our lives, and he knows how much we can handle.

The Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. Suddenly, a terrible storm came up, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went to him and woke him up shouting “Lord save us! We're going to drown” And Jesus said “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he stood up and rebuked the the wind and waves, and suddenly all was calm. The disciples just sat there in awe. “Who is this” they asked themselves. “Even the wind and waves obey him!”

Matthew 8:23-27 NLT

Eight years ago I came to Christ when the waves in my life were breaking over my boat, and I had nothing left but tears, and sorrows. I still get storms, but they are easier to get through knowing my God is in control and cares about everything that is happening in my life.

Why Me Lord?

Why does this happen to us women?

Why not to the Men?

Why when I sneeze, some of my bladder contents escape on to my dry underwear?

Why is the office window open, as I type this? (it is 7 degrees out)

Why is there no sleep?

Why do I get so frustrated so fast?

Why do I have no energy?

Although Menopause is not a fatal condition and there are a lot worse things out in the world that happen to people, this still affects us, and the people we love, and sometimes even people we do not even know.

Last Sunday on the back of our Bulletin was the following poem.

“I keep busy through the daytime hours,

Trying hard, to live by God's Holy Word;

Trails and Burdens, somehow come,

It's then, I tend to ask, “Why me, Lord?”

The mountain is difficult for me to climb,

But, I'll climb and obey God's word;

He promised to never leave me,

So, why do I ask, “Why me. Lord?”

His word is a lamp unto my feet,

Sharper than any two-edge sword;

It is a light unto my path, and so,

I must not question, “Why me Lord?”

God will not give more than I can bear,

I must keep my Faith strong in his word;

Jesus endured shame, pain, suffering and death,

I must no longer ask, “Why me Lord?”

Leona I. Miller

The passage below, was given to me by my Pastor when I was having difficulties  handling my Mother and her Alzheimer's.

“There are secret things that belong to the Lord our God, but the revealed things belong to us and our descendants forever, so that we may obey these words of the Law”

Deuteronomy 30:29 NLT

Fatigue

Tired, worn out, exhausted, drained, sound familiar!

I go to bed, wide, awake, NO I am really tired! Why am I tossing and turning and not sleeping?
I eventually fall asleep, I wake up! its 2:00 am Oh goodie!
toss, turn, fall asleep, wake-up its now 3:00 am...
Oh Father of Israel please let me sleep more than one hour at a time.

Eye lids are feeling heavy its happening, I am going back to sleep!
wake up....turn to the clock..4:45am
Ahh God did answer my prayer & God does have a good sense of humor, although I am not appreciating it at this moment!

In all my reading about Menopause getting enough sleep is essential.
its a vicious circle, I am tired, and maybe I don't react  to situations as I should.
I am tired so I have ZERO patience.
I am tired therefore I am grumpy!
I am tired therefore I should sleep!! NOT, Not happening..

I have found a couple of things that have helped my sleeping situation.
I am taking a herbal product called "Nutrafem". (in no means am I selling or promoting this product, it just works for me)
I also try and go to bed at the same time every night, and I read for 30 minutes or so, turn out the lights, say good night to our Heavenly Father, insert my earplugs (they work) close my eyes and try to go to sleep..(Lord willing)
For some reason the earplugs have been helping me sleep, it quiets my mind as well as all the household noises.

I will leave you with one of my favorite verses Matthew 12: 28-30

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, I will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yolk fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light"   NLV

Positive side of Menopause?

I struggled on what my first post should be about...

So here it is the "Positive side of Menopause.. "

Not having a period is probably the most positive, its been 2 years for me, and I love not having that "Oh" moment, then running to the washroom, or having to change the sheets after the period got a little exuberant.  hehehe

Sweating can be very useful, who needs to workout, just sit down, have a cup of coffee, and if you really want a good soak, just put on a Turtleneck!  Yikes..

The use of your deck increases in the winter, after vacuuming, or half way through the dishes, you can always pull out a kitchen chair and sit on the deck, and feel the -10 degree wind hit your wet face.

You can always blame the outbursts, the tears, and your larger stomach on the great imposing monster called "menopause".

Life for your family is never boring, because they do not know how you are going to react to different situations.  I have tried to blame the sagging of the perky breasts on Menopause, but most do not believe that.

Finally Ladies, a wise Preacher by the name of James Paton shared a bible verse with our congregation that he has in the kitchen when he does the dishes. (he hates doing dishes)  So remember this verse when your panting, wringing wet, or just plain damp.

"Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  Col 3:17