REJECTION

Reject:  “refuse to accept” according to the Oxford dictionary.

Oxford Thesaurus “ turn down, decline, forsake, cast aside, desert.”

Does this sound like something Jesus would do?

No not at all and yet churches do it all the time.

Reject is a word I hate, I have experienced this word so much in my life that when it happens AGAIN, I sigh and say “see you really are a loser.”

My laugh was always too loud, my voice always too loud, I talk too much!

The list goes on....

So when I found God and found out how much I am loved by my Creator it was an amazing feeling. He did not reject me with all my faults and all my past, he accepted me, The God of Love was there for me and still is.

Jay Adams wrote “When a person forgives another, he is promising to do three things about the intended wrongdoing: not to use it against the wrongdoer in the future; not to talk about it to others; and not to dwell on it himself.”

Then Peter came to him and asked , “Lord how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No” Jesus replied “seventy times seven”  

Matthew 19:21 NLT

My lesson these last two months seems to be all about Love.

Henry Drummond put it together perfectly “ The world is not a playground; it is a schoolroom. Life is not a holiday, but an education. And the one eternal lesson is how better we can love. What makes a man a good cricketer? Practice. What makes a man a good sculptor, a good musician? Practice. What makes a man a good linguist, a good stenographer? Practice. What makes a good man? Practice. Nothing else.

So when the sting of rejection is felt once again in my life, I feel the pain, the deep pain that again I am not good enough in some human eyes. I have not been forsaken by my God, My God of Love and Grace, I have an audience of one.

“If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and His love is perfected in us.” 1 John 4:12

We are Only Human

We've all had them, sometimes we cry, sometimes; we even laugh, but usually we all react differently to our "week from hell". I have just gone through one of those weeks, and yes I am menopausal, emotional, but I am also only human.

I heard "Cindy I need your help" It was 2am on Tuesday morning, I jumped out of bed to see my husband on the floor in the hallway."I am feeling faint, I think I am going to pass out." he said, so I ran into the kitchen and pulled out a little apple juice container and gave it to him.

Callie and Timmie our Felines, were watching Dad too. They knew that Dad and Mom usually do not lay in the middle of the hallway in the middle of the night.

That was the beginning of my 7 day adventure.

My week ended by being hit in the face by the lid of my company's shredder bin.

In between, I had called 911 for my husband who was passing out and talking gibberish, which ended up with us spending a very long 12 hours in the Emergency room. I left work early one day because he called and said he was experiencing angina.

I had picked up twice after our poor old dog who forgets she needs to go outside to go to the bathroom, and I caught my jacket sleeve in a door handle and left my shoulder there for about 10 seconds longer than necessary. Had a fight with my boss, and cried one evening to my husband and said “I don't understand why I am so stressed I am doing everything right, I am eating right, going on the treadmill, getting 8 hours of sleep. ”

Big things and small things, but all add up after a while.

When I was looking at my face in the bathroom after the bin lid decided to try and make my small face even smaller than it already is, my boss came in and asked if I was OK, I grabbed him and cried in his arms like a little baby. And blurted out “why can't anything go right?

I was done, so done.

I remember a few years back my friend said to me “if you would you quit asking God for strength maybe things would go smoother.” and then we both broke out in laughter.

Did I forget to lean on God, did I forget that He is in control. I really do not know those answers but sometimes during the storm we are so busy just trying to get out of it alive.

It is always after the storm we sit back and go “oh my”

Were there lessons to be learned you bet there was, did I learn them all I don't know that. But I do know I do not want another week like that for a very long time.

I do know God was there, and maybe he had his hands on his hips shaking his head back and forth and saying “Cindy, Cindy, Cindy.”

John 14:27 NLV “I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid”

The Gift

I walked into her room; there was a little tiny person in this big bed.
She was so agitated, and her tremors, the worst I had ever seen.
The nurse said she had just had a bowel extraction, and was in a lot of pain.
They were going to bring her some pain killers.
She was trying to get out of bed.
Trying to sit-up and was getting angry.

I was trying to settle her down, rubbing her head, holding her hands,
She was not settling down.
Pain killers arrived.
10 minutes later; no difference.

She lifted both her hands and pushed me away.
I started to cry and told the nurse that maybe I was agitating her and I should go.
The nurse said no, that Mom was in pain.

Morphine arrived.
10 minutes later she was getting better, so I prayed over her and asked God to help her with her confusion, her pain, and her agitation.

Then I held her hand some more and talked.
I was rubbing her face and head... that seemed to work for her.

Then she lifted her hand up and placed it on my cheek,
her eyes opened, and she said
“I love you”

My Mom had not recognized me for 5 years.

That was a gift from God. I praised him!! God is good..

Mom had difficulties in saying... I love you.
When I said "I love you Mom", she would always say "me too".


My Mom suffered from Alzheimers for almost 15 years.
Four months later on July 16, 2006... The Lord took her to be with him.

No matter the situation... God can do miracles.

Running out of Dreams!!

My Friends and I were sitting around the table and chatting about getting older, being placed in a seniors home. What would that be like?

We talked about how some people handle the changes well, and others do not.

How some people are at peace with getting older and go with the flow. We want to be like that, age gracefully, age without being bitter, or unhappy. Why do some people react so differently?

My Mom was bitter and angry, her sister was just the opposite.

Sometimes at 52 I feel, tired, bitter, and angry. What else is there... do I work until I drop?

It is too late for a lot of my dreams... being a journalist... a writer, a preacher, a public speaker... being a Rock 'n Roll singer, (Linda Ronstadt was my hero, anyway the tights would not look so great now)...

So here I am working at a printing company... that was not my dream. Not that I do not like my job... I actually love it... but was it my dream? Not so much!

I am mourning a few of those lost dreams... which I think is OK.

Sometimes I wonder what my passion was or is?  
What does God want me to do? 
What is my purpose here?

I try and peddle as fast as I can in life... to experience new things, to laugh, and to be true and real... to have authentic friendships... participate in genuine family relationships.

After reading one of my devotions it hit me... 

Just be me! God made me!

So if I feel that what I am doing for Christ is simple, it is important to God.

God's message is: 

The end is not yet!  My story is not over and neither is yours.

Even when we get white hair, knees that ache, hands that hurt...

God is not finished with me or You!!  We can still do God's work.


Ecclesiastes 3:11-13  God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planned eternity in the human heart, but even so people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. SO I have concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they can. And People should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor for these are gifts from God.