REJECTION

Reject:  “refuse to accept” according to the Oxford dictionary.

Oxford Thesaurus “ turn down, decline, forsake, cast aside, desert.”

Does this sound like something Jesus would do?

No not at all and yet churches do it all the time.

Reject is a word I hate, I have experienced this word so much in my life that when it happens AGAIN, I sigh and say “see you really are a loser.”

My laugh was always too loud, my voice always too loud, I talk too much!

The list goes on....

So when I found God and found out how much I am loved by my Creator it was an amazing feeling. He did not reject me with all my faults and all my past, he accepted me, The God of Love was there for me and still is.

Jay Adams wrote “When a person forgives another, he is promising to do three things about the intended wrongdoing: not to use it against the wrongdoer in the future; not to talk about it to others; and not to dwell on it himself.”

Then Peter came to him and asked , “Lord how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No” Jesus replied “seventy times seven”  

Matthew 19:21 NLT

My lesson these last two months seems to be all about Love.

Henry Drummond put it together perfectly “ The world is not a playground; it is a schoolroom. Life is not a holiday, but an education. And the one eternal lesson is how better we can love. What makes a man a good cricketer? Practice. What makes a man a good sculptor, a good musician? Practice. What makes a man a good linguist, a good stenographer? Practice. What makes a good man? Practice. Nothing else.

So when the sting of rejection is felt once again in my life, I feel the pain, the deep pain that again I am not good enough in some human eyes. I have not been forsaken by my God, My God of Love and Grace, I have an audience of one.

“If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and His love is perfected in us.” 1 John 4:12

We are Only Human

We've all had them, sometimes we cry, sometimes; we even laugh, but usually we all react differently to our "week from hell". I have just gone through one of those weeks, and yes I am menopausal, emotional, but I am also only human.

I heard "Cindy I need your help" It was 2am on Tuesday morning, I jumped out of bed to see my husband on the floor in the hallway."I am feeling faint, I think I am going to pass out." he said, so I ran into the kitchen and pulled out a little apple juice container and gave it to him.

Callie and Timmie our Felines, were watching Dad too. They knew that Dad and Mom usually do not lay in the middle of the hallway in the middle of the night.

That was the beginning of my 7 day adventure.

My week ended by being hit in the face by the lid of my company's shredder bin.

In between, I had called 911 for my husband who was passing out and talking gibberish, which ended up with us spending a very long 12 hours in the Emergency room. I left work early one day because he called and said he was experiencing angina.

I had picked up twice after our poor old dog who forgets she needs to go outside to go to the bathroom, and I caught my jacket sleeve in a door handle and left my shoulder there for about 10 seconds longer than necessary. Had a fight with my boss, and cried one evening to my husband and said “I don't understand why I am so stressed I am doing everything right, I am eating right, going on the treadmill, getting 8 hours of sleep. ”

Big things and small things, but all add up after a while.

When I was looking at my face in the bathroom after the bin lid decided to try and make my small face even smaller than it already is, my boss came in and asked if I was OK, I grabbed him and cried in his arms like a little baby. And blurted out “why can't anything go right?

I was done, so done.

I remember a few years back my friend said to me “if you would you quit asking God for strength maybe things would go smoother.” and then we both broke out in laughter.

Did I forget to lean on God, did I forget that He is in control. I really do not know those answers but sometimes during the storm we are so busy just trying to get out of it alive.

It is always after the storm we sit back and go “oh my”

Were there lessons to be learned you bet there was, did I learn them all I don't know that. But I do know I do not want another week like that for a very long time.

I do know God was there, and maybe he had his hands on his hips shaking his head back and forth and saying “Cindy, Cindy, Cindy.”

John 14:27 NLV “I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid”

The Gift

I walked into her room; there was a little tiny person in this big bed.
She was so agitated, and her tremors, the worst I had ever seen.
The nurse said she had just had a bowel extraction, and was in a lot of pain.
They were going to bring her some pain killers.
She was trying to get out of bed.
Trying to sit-up and was getting angry.

I was trying to settle her down, rubbing her head, holding her hands,
She was not settling down.
Pain killers arrived.
10 minutes later; no difference.

She lifted both her hands and pushed me away.
I started to cry and told the nurse that maybe I was agitating her and I should go.
The nurse said no, that Mom was in pain.

Morphine arrived.
10 minutes later she was getting better, so I prayed over her and asked God to help her with her confusion, her pain, and her agitation.

Then I held her hand some more and talked.
I was rubbing her face and head... that seemed to work for her.

Then she lifted her hand up and placed it on my cheek,
her eyes opened, and she said
“I love you”

My Mom had not recognized me for 5 years.

That was a gift from God. I praised him!! God is good..

Mom had difficulties in saying... I love you.
When I said "I love you Mom", she would always say "me too".


My Mom suffered from Alzheimers for almost 15 years.
Four months later on July 16, 2006... The Lord took her to be with him.

No matter the situation... God can do miracles.

Running out of Dreams!!

My Friends and I were sitting around the table and chatting about getting older, being placed in a seniors home. What would that be like?

We talked about how some people handle the changes well, and others do not.

How some people are at peace with getting older and go with the flow. We want to be like that, age gracefully, age without being bitter, or unhappy. Why do some people react so differently?

My Mom was bitter and angry, her sister was just the opposite.

Sometimes at 52 I feel, tired, bitter, and angry. What else is there... do I work until I drop?

It is too late for a lot of my dreams... being a journalist... a writer, a preacher, a public speaker... being a Rock 'n Roll singer, (Linda Ronstadt was my hero, anyway the tights would not look so great now)...

So here I am working at a printing company... that was not my dream. Not that I do not like my job... I actually love it... but was it my dream? Not so much!

I am mourning a few of those lost dreams... which I think is OK.

Sometimes I wonder what my passion was or is?  
What does God want me to do? 
What is my purpose here?

I try and peddle as fast as I can in life... to experience new things, to laugh, and to be true and real... to have authentic friendships... participate in genuine family relationships.

After reading one of my devotions it hit me... 

Just be me! God made me!

So if I feel that what I am doing for Christ is simple, it is important to God.

God's message is: 

The end is not yet!  My story is not over and neither is yours.

Even when we get white hair, knees that ache, hands that hurt...

God is not finished with me or You!!  We can still do God's work.


Ecclesiastes 3:11-13  God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planned eternity in the human heart, but even so people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. SO I have concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they can. And People should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor for these are gifts from God.

Life Interrupted…

Sometimes God throws us a fastball, when we are not expecting it, it can put us into a whirlwind of emotions. 

On Saturday the day after my Husbands 59^th Birthday, we got up early and went for a swim, Then out for our favorite meal “Breakfast”. It was about 10:30 am and we were driving to the Mall to pick something up, my hubby said “I am not feeling well, I kind of feel funny” Then he got the burps and the hiccups!

“Well do you want to go home” I asked., “ No” he said “lets go pick up what we need, I will come in and sit on the bench in the mall, and wait for you”

So we did and I walked up to the cash register I looked over and saw Steve and he was waving to me to hurry up! When I got to him, he said “we have to go” he continued “I think I am having a heart attack.”

I drove him to the Emergency Clinic, and he was in a bed within minutes of us arriving.

When they confirmed it was a heart attack, they drove us to the Royal Alec Hospital in the ambulance, and they did an angioplasty procedure on his heart.

WHACK---the fastball just hit me!

Who do I call, what do I do?, What if I lose him? “this can’t be really happening?, feelings of being lost, looking around and seeing nothing familiar, sitting in a chair in the Family waiting room, waiting for what? For good news? For bad news? Will I ever hear his voice again? Will I be able to hold him again?

Expectations ,and Unexpected events have shown me how much I really do lean on our Father in Heaven, and how little I really do surrender.

I did not and was not ready to give my Steve back to God.

There were lots of conversations between God and I on that topic.

Finally about 4 days ago, (almost 7 weeks after his heart-attack) in the middle of the night, I whispered to God “OK Let your will be done” . I rolled over and went to sleep. Tough lessons, in tough times. I always have said, I learn the hard way.

In Romans 5:3-4 ( NIV) Paul wrote, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know they are good for us- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us and character strengthens our confident expectation of Salvation.”

When you face adversity, be encouraged, hope is on its way. 

My Husband is recovering at home and is doing very well.

How do I love my Body?

Having one roll was okay to accept; but when the second roll appeared on my belly, I was very angry.

I hated it, I would look at it the mirror or in the shower and yell at it and squish it and scream. How do I get rid of this thing? This roll of fat that shows everyone I am now a stat, and am overweight and even obese according to some information out there! How could I let myself go like this?

How could I look like something I never wanted to look like? I promised myself I would never become overweight again... I hated me and hated my body. I was angry at myself and and my body. It felt like a betrayal; and it was; I had betrayed myself!!

I have struggled loving me and my body most of my life. I abused myself verbally and physically for many years and in my early forties, I started cutting myself. I was never good enough, never funny enough, never cute enough, and definitely never skinny enough.

Five years I have gone without cutting myself, the verbal abuse has also stopped, but about 6 months ago I had to go buy some new pants... when the size 15 was too tight I lost it, and I lost it on me.

I have gone to counseling, but like anything its a day by day journey. Having Christ in my life has eased many of my daily pressures, and I also know he loves me because he created me in his image.

I have learned that we must be willing to get over the life we had planned... so we can live the life we have... and accept your body as it is right now... my toughest challenge.

Below is a well known love letter, that I read a lot to remind me of who I really am.

Father's Love Letter -

My Child
You may not know me, but I know everything about you Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad. Almighty God

Meeting the new Boyfriend

The other day we had the pleasure of meeting our only daughter's new boyfriend.

She was very nervous and told us how to act, “be nice Dad”, and don't embarrass him, and please don't embarrass me. We were quite shocked that she was nervous about how her old parents would act... after all we are a very normal family (maybe NOT) ! On the other hand her two older brothers were the ones she really needed to give advice to... not us... Hehehee. We were nervous as well, because we knew this new guy seemed very special to our daughter.

We all want to make a good first impression.

I got thinking about how often that happens to we humans in our daily lives. Meeting a new boss, going to a new church, going for a loan...

That is one of the many extraordinary facets about God, we do not need to make an impression, He created us, molded us, and He already loves us. He knows what we are thinking, and He knows how many hairs we have on our heads. He knows how many hot flashes I am going to have today!

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His Love really is. May you experience the Love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Ephesians 3:18-19 NLT

PS. The meeting of the new Beau went well, we only embarrassed him a couple of times.